


Immortal

by Aerith_Hamilton



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Angst, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-13
Updated: 2017-08-13
Packaged: 2018-12-14 21:23:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11791743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aerith_Hamilton/pseuds/Aerith_Hamilton
Summary: Spock is sure that the feelings he has to the USS Enterprise captain after a few years of travelling can’t be fully described with one simple human word.





	Immortal

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Бессмертный](https://archiveofourown.org/works/889957) by [Aerith_Hamilton](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aerith_Hamilton/pseuds/Aerith_Hamilton). 



> That's my fic (originally - "Бессмертный") translated from Russian to English by my bro Spitzer Igel. If you have some notes about this translation - please, write me. She asked about it :-)
> 
> There is also a vid, inspired by thoughts of this story - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9j2cfbQRZKg

James Kirk names it love.  
  
Spock has a different belief. He is sure that the feelings he has to the USS Enterprise captain after a few years of travelling can’t be fully described with one simple human word. They are too complicated for it.  
  
The first officer admires the captain. His way of making decisions – always wonderfully right – with lightning speed leaves nobody indifferent, but Spock is sure for some reason that nobody can estimate it as fully as he can.  
  
The Vulcan empathizes with the captain. Kirk’s valiance and selflessness is nearly legendary in the Starfleet, but Spock is the only one who sees his face at the moments of display of them and knows what fear the captain feels each time. Kirk is a human with human vices and passions, and his main great deed is that he can vanquish them.  
  
The commander loves talking to the captain. Kirk’s intellect and erudition are also well-known, but Spock is the only one who remembers by heart all shades of his inflection when he is reading an article aloud or trying to recall poem lines, and each time memories are confirmed in the real life something deep down the Vulcan gets frozen.  
  
And, of course, no one but Spock knows how tender his Jim can be, what flutter he treats Spock’s mind at the moment of melding with, how softly he touches him with fingertips. They have other intimacy, the human one, but Jim has never insisted on it. That may be the reason why once Spock can accept this uniting, excessive in its own way, more shocking for the Vulcan but so essential for his Jim.  
  
Spock never labels James Kirk as his own. They are Jim’s own words said at the moments when their fingers touch each other in a short Vulcan kiss. Jim likes it; as well as Spock, he has found charm in his partner’s way of showing emotions and accepted it with pleasure. “I am yours,” he said gently, Spock freezes inwardly, and with no reply, his captain knows the right answer.  
  
James Kirk is growing older very rapidly.  
  
Of course, Spock knows that a human life on average is three times shorter than a Vulcan one, but before meeting Jim, he has been totally uninterested in it.  
  
At their first meeting, light-eyed fair-haired guy broke through the armour that Spock had fettered his emotions in true to the Vulcan tradition with only a courteous smile, nodded and hid behind the door. Jim acted in his ordinary way; he broke through all the barriers at once, but Spock hardly understood it straight away, doing everything mechanically. And when he realized this, it was already too late.  
  
Time flies, Kirk and Spock have always been side by side, but Kirk’s face, having been delicate before, is now getting wrinkled, his voice is losing its sonority, his hair is losing its wheat gold, changing to light silvery locks here and there. Spock still sticks by Jim selflessly, still admires him and trusts him, but inside there is unconscious, irrational fear of another’s death, showing up every time when the captain shows wrinkles of fatigue on his noble face smiling.  
  
If only Spock could, he would do anything so as not to let James Kirk grow older.  
  
When Jim disappears, Spock realizes that human old age could have given him a chance to stay with his captain for two-three decades more.  
  
Jim is only sixty, his golden hair still shines in the sunshine, and to Spock he still has this illogical generalized feeling of hundreds of emotions and senses that he names love.  
  
However, it’s too late. Spock has nothing but his memories, his humanity and a few photos.  
  
He is old enough when he faces Nero. Jim remains in his memory maze as a faraway happy reminiscence, but Spock has learnt how to live without him, and he has lived a long lonesome life. He thinks he has done a lot of right and effective things and Jim could be proud of him. He is going to do something else – and who knows that it will come to nothing?  
Romul falls beneath the rush of the might power, drawing in the past not only mad Nero’s ship but Spock’s tiny ship too, throwing it on an unknown planet to see Vulcan’s death.  
And here, in an icy cave, sheltering him and having extended his life a bit longer to complete freezing, he faces his past.

 

James Kirk is staring at him with young perceant blue eyes, his hair is wheat golden, and his lips are the same, rich and delicate. Spock remembers these lips, remembers how soft they could be, and it seems so fearful for him that in this world young Spock wastes time not being with Jim.  
He is as young, mistrustful, and valiant as always, and, touching so familiar face with fingers, having suddenly weakened, Spock realizes that James Kirk has never died.  
He is just waiting in another universe for Spock to explain him and himself from the past why that feeling Jim names love can’t simply be expressed in the only one word.


End file.
